Category: Jawbuck

Is it rape if?

More women (or men) do not come forward about this because there are too many grey areas and far too many opinions that only leave the "victim" ashamed.

Is it rape, when I was young and drunk, and let a guy come home with me (whom I am was on a date with) so he didn't have to drive? I remember... he had driven a distance to take me out.

Was I wrong to think he was cute, and like the idea of being held? Only to wake up with him hard on top of me, inside of me... crying hysterically for him to stop. Was I completely ignorant to want to trust that he wouldn't hurt me-- He was older, after all... sophisticated. I remember him whispering a secret to me at the bar. About a woman that had hurt him in the past. He was a victim. I was on a double date. It was my little secret. I was just 23. Had never been in love. Wasn't it completely my fault for being drunk in the first place? I remember where we were on our date... I remember everything about the night, changing the reservation too many times because I was nervous, what I ate (grilled artichokes), what he ordered (lamb chops) but I don't remember inviting him home... However, that is not the part that would have surprised me... What surprised me is that he told me the next day that... I had wanted it. That I had asked for it. I was about as inexperienced as an awkward High Schooler, having only had sex once before with a boyfriend I had been dating for a year. I hated it. I ended up hating him for pressuring me to be intimate before I was ready. There had not been a man in my bed since then. Me "wanting" it seems about as likely as a Trump enthusiast drunkenly voting for Hilary. But with all the attention in the media, I couldn't help but to travel back in time. When I brought up this incident in conversation (with someone that knows me well)... I left feeling smaller. I was drunk, she said. I brought him home, she said. He was drunk, she said. It was a mistake on his end, she said. He was drunk, after all... she said. So would it only have been rape if he had forcefully hurt me too? I was clearly blacked out. Which is embarrassing enough. So then, is it best that I just keep it to myself... and hope that it doesn't happen to my daughter one day? To tell her never to get too drunk. Truthfully, I was mortified that I would let my guard down with someone I did not know well yet so I never told my friends. And these were my first experiences with men and sex. What woman wants to go on the news and ask to be a victim? To talk about something so personal. Ask to be the butt of jokes, memes and be crucified and questioned at every angel--regardless of the years that have gone by. If someone does not start to bring this topic up, it is too easy to sweep it under the carpet as a normal "mistake." A "mistake" is when you get drunk with your lover and whoops-- end up pregnant after a romantic evening by the fireplace during a snowstorm. Until "rape" became a word we didn't have to whisper... you could politely say... this was just an incident where one person took "advantage" of the situation. Or. It was just a mistake. No harm. No foul.

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